Maydaymayday we're going down

WHAT HOW WHEN I MEAN OOPS IT'S MAY.

March went OK. I am keeping my flossing habit because DUH I JUST SHOULD. I discovered that I am absolutely unable to do anything before it is absolutely necessary -- and why do morning chores at night? The minutes will fill up no matter if I prep the baby's bottles at night or in the morning, and I found myself extra resentful that I was using my precious post-kids-sleeping hours doing childcare-related chores. I have, however, found that accepting this trait in myself has made the mornings feel easier. Hey, I am choosing to get the kids' snacks ready in the morning! I am choosing to pack the car just before we leave so I can have time for an extra episode of Parks and Rec at night! It is a conscious choice! MASTER OF MY FATE, CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL, etc.

That and the fact that because it is light in the morning, we are waking up 30 minutes earlier. None of us seem more sleep-deprived, and the mornings are much more relaxed. Having some clean spaces to gaze upon while multi-tasking my mornings helps too.

As for the negative thought spirals..well. I have decided to go into therapy (again). A Happiness Project can only take a girl so far, you know what I mean? While being aware of my tendency to dwell in negativity certain helps to quell the tendency in the moment, it doesn't quite touch the root cause, which -- really -- is a lifelong depressive streak. That's just how I roll, unfortunately, and I would like a neutral party to remind me that everything is not a disaster even when some things are, and that I should probably not in fact explode my life and move my family to Zambia or something equally drastic and destructive because I am feeling all the bad feels.

And so! My April resolutions were all about levity. I wanted to laugh and make my kids laugh and for all of us to be and feel lighter.

Is April really the cruelest month? My elder daughter's birthday rings in the month, right on the Fool's Day (and while she can be quite silly, she is no fool, and seems to have inherited my serious/intense streak, so sorry, dear child). Spring is burgeoning in our part of the country and the extra dose of Vitamin D has been very helpful. But then there was all the national tragedy -- dear god are we going to have a month when the flag at half-staff is NOT necessary -- and while paltry in comparison, did my resolutions seem so very necessary. Especially when I found myself half-present with my girls while my mind was in Boston. No, Andrea, you may not refresh Boston.com, I told myself, because you have to attend to making up a song with Little A. that includes all of the conjugations of "poop." Because it is on your damn resolution list!

Anyway, here were my resolutions:

1. Be EXTRA silly with the girls once every day. Fart jokes and funny faces ABSOLUTELY.
2. Watch or read something funny every day.
3. Sing aloud at least once every day.
4. Break up with my phone (mostly). 

And yes! Dear reader! I did these things. Some days required binge-watching of Parks and Rec. Some days required incessantly flipping through the radio dial until we found a station playing Ho Hey AGAIN. Because there is nothing better for the soul than hearing both the 4 year old and the 16 month old sing You my fweet-HAAAAAART! The phone has taken up permanent residence on the other side of the bedroom so I open my eyes to natural light instead of the glow of Facebook. And it helped. All of it helped.

May resolutions to come. And in the meantime, I hope you are enjoying the flowers and all that. You've earned them.

Happy bluebirds to you,
Andrea