Consistency Schmistency

As is probably evident if you are reading this blog, consistency is not my strong point. I am an idea person. I get ideas. I get excited about them. I may even launch the ideas into being. Then, the adrenaline wears off and I get bored. I procrastinate. I avoid.

 Writing makes me happy.

 That isn’t entirely true.

Having written makes me happy. Having written something good makes me happy.

Of course, to have written something good means that I need to have written. Sometimes quite a bit before getting to something good. That part, sitting down to the blank page, the drudgery and terror that come from consistent, disciplined writing, is where I get stuck.

But the truth is that having written something good makes me happier than just about anything. So, March, you fickle bitch with your melting snow and 50 degree weather and then your freezing, holy crap it’s cold again shenanigans—I am committing to writing more. In here, and on my little pink computer, and at the coffee shop.

Bring it.

~Lynn

March Gladness

Just when I thought I couldn't take another moment of winter....when even our most enthusiastic snow-kid is sick of her snowpants...when the walls are closing in, and there is not enough Vitamin D in any bottle in the world....

SPRING. It's here. Praise Jesus.

I mean, it's not official yet, but tell that to the robins. Or to the tapped maples. Or to the little crocuses fighting their way up through the last of the dirty snowpiles. Or to me, who literally overnight experienced a major, major attitude adjustment that can only be attributed to Daylight Savings time. I sprung forward all right. Please help me remember this next year. All winter long I felt under a cloud. I knew I was not feeling myself, or reacting to things as I "normally" would, but I chalked it up to stress and life changes and people* being annoying little shits.

 (*everyone in my household and at work and store clerks and everyone most days.)

But! People! All I needed was an extra hour of daylight! Well, that might not be ALL. But boy, have things been going  more smoothly lately. My fuse is longer. We have more fun in the mundane moments. I find myself saying YES more.

So who needs a Happiness Project? Well, I still do. SO. On to my March Resolutions! As I mentioned this month is about Spring Cleaning, metaphorical and literal. Good times.

1. Tame the "broken windows" - I have narrowed my focus to three specific areas that drive me nuts: one countertop in the kitchen, the coffee table in the den, and the bureau at the end of my bed. Spaces where my eyes alight often and my mind would go ARGH SO MUCH CLUTTER.
2. Floss every night -- this used to be a habit but along with so many other items of self-care, has recently gone out the window.
3. Unfuck my mornings. Most days I have to mentally steel myself for the ticking time bomb that is getting two kids and myself ready to leave the house. Why is it so hard? It doesn't have to be so hard, right? Have you guys seen this site? It's brilliant!
4. Stop downward thought spirals before they go too low. Self-explanatory to anyone who has ever even had a hint of depression. One minute you're thinking that maybe you yelled one too many times today, the next you are lying on the couch weeping because you are a TERRIBLE MOTHER AND YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE AND YOU HAVE RUINED YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER FOREVERRRRRRRR. 

Since I was in my ugh-bubble when I planned the month, this list is maybe not as ambitious. But baby steps count, yes?

Happy bluebirds to you,
Andrea

Gimme an F!

As in F! ING! FEBRUARY!!11!!

Seriously. This month is for poop. This whole winter is kind of for poop, but the long snowy wet cold slog of February (can it really be the shortest month?) just takes the poopy cake. We have had some nice moments and my resolutions have helped but SERIOUSLY. Enough!

I gladly take my leave of you, February.

So to the monthly wrap-up: 

As you may recall my resolutions were all about finding and taking teeny moments in time. For the most part, I stuck to them. On a few days I was too lazy to shower or tend to moi terlet so I did not perfume me. And on a few days my stomach rebelled against the idea of chocolate or wine (what a stupid stomach I have). But for the most part, I took those moments. Me! No! Mine! Mine! My moments! 

(Sorry, I have a 14 month old for whom possession is 110% of the law.)

It felt pretty luxurious to smell good and to indulge my senses for a few minutes most days. I found that sensibility bleeding into other areas - once I smelled nice, I would then feel like looking a bit nicer. Maybe a little blush, even some earrings! So fancy! And maybe we could set the table to look a little nicer with my nice glass of wine! Maybe sit down to enjoy my chocolate! Instead of eating it while hanging over the counter and watching something crappy on the TV! So fancy!

"Suppressing the harsh tone" proved to be...challenging. Sometimes it meant I said nothing for long, long moments. Sometimes I forgot the resolution altogether and indulged the shout or swear or sent a text without editing. I might bring this one forward another month.

My most favorite bit was the daily photograph. At the end of each day, with a sleepy baby on my lap and (most nights) a sleeping toddler next to me, when all was quiet, I could look through the moments I had captured that day and choose my favorite. Then crop and filter so it became even more blurrily lovely and then bam! Onto the internet it goes! The grandparents were pleased as punch, and I discovered this is an easy way to almost completely reframe a day. Do I remember what happened in the hours before this photo was taken? Not really. But I do get a warm fuzzy feeling each time I look at it and can remember exactly how I felt in the moment it was taken. Like this one.

Baby G was perfecting her "running away and giggling at Mama" routine during one of our morning drop-offs. But as soon as I suggested she and Sister hold hands, she raced towards her Big and together, they walked to the building. And my heart exploded.

...And every day I found some moment that had similar impact. Altogether worthy exercise. The best. I'm going to keep it up, if not hold myself to a daily schedule.

And on shall we go together, dear Reader, holding hands, out of the crapfest February, into the everso-slightly-closer to Spring month of March! I shall not shy away from cliche, and will devote my month to resolutions around Spring Cleaning. See you there!

Happy bluebirds to you, A

Febru-any

Holy mackerel, dear reader. How can it be the MIDDLE of February already? IMPOSSIBLE. But, there it is. We have been super-busy due to a Birthday Explosion - seriously, how many Aquarians do I know? An assload, that's how many. I threw a 70th birthday party for my dad at the end of January (thereby crossing off a Life List item, most successfully). Then like dominos the birthdays fall down through February...my boyfriend, his best friend, my sister-in-law, my niece, my big girl's best friend, my little girl's betrothed, etc etc etc. So this month is as good as any to celebrate all these loves in our lives, and the greatest love of all, loving myself.

The greatest loooooove of aaaaaaaaaaaaaall!!!!

Ahem.

I don't know a mom who feels like they have all the time they need to be or care for themselves. An overarching goal for this whole year is to snatch back the teeniest, tiniest bits of time for self-care. And when I say tiny, I mean it - 2 minutes here to eat a piece of chocolate, 10 minutes for a glass of wine, 30 seconds there to dab on a bit of perfume. SO...to the Resolutions!

1. Eat a piece of dark chocolate OR have a glass of red wine every day. Or both! But only at a moment when they truly can be enjoyed.
2. Wear perfume every day.
3. Post at least one photo of a lovely moment to Instagram (and share on Facebook) every day.
4. Suppress the unpleasant word/harsh tone at least once a day.

My January resolution of exercise every day is also coming forward, because it makes my life 1000 times more bearable. I have taken a couple of days off due to snowfuckery and a twingy knee and oh the difference. So much difference in my patience and general ability to deal.

Happiness Project Month Two Electric Boogaloo! Here we go!

Happy bluebirds to you,
Andrea

It is January. The temperature is in the single digits. Springs dangles like a rope, just out of reach. I am on my second (so far!) period of the month (I believe I am compensating for Andrea's pregnancy scare. Our uteri have been in cahoots for at least a few years. I am happy to take one for the team, but not sure that I really needed two doses of PMS this month).

But I have a clean desk!

I've been working on making small, consistent changes in my home. Deal with the mail every day. Deal with the dishes every day. Basically, deal. Every. Day.

Am I happier for it?

I think I am. If not overjoyed, I am at least feeling more peaceful. Like I can breathe. The other day, a friend's husband came over to pick up some baby gear we were done with. He was supposed to come around noonish; instead, the doorbell rang at just after 7a.m. But! I was dressed! The house was reasonably clean (full disclosure: our monthly housekeeping had occured the day before, but still!)! It wasn't until after he left that I realized the lack of panic I felt when the doorbell rang. Last month around this time, he might've found himself tripping over toy cars, stepping on small piles of Cheerios, and I would probably have been in my dirty monkey pajama pants and a stained nursing tank. It felt good to not panic.

So this experiment is going well thus far. I've also just been, like Andrea, doing little things to make myself happier. Listening to music more (Lana Del Rey is my current obsession). I even went to the movies twice this month. I've been wearing jewelry. I am, basically, taking it up a notch. February's goals will be even more of that.

And sometimes, like the lack of panic over early visitor incident, something bad not happening can bring happiness. See below picture of my daughter making her I'mGonnaPoopintheBathtub face. But guess what? She didn't! And I was happy!

Blue Monday

<Andy Williams voice> It's the un!happiest! daaaay of the yeeeear.....</Andy Williams voice>

Yes folks, it's Blue Monday. That craptastic day in January when forces conspire to make us all miserable. Except, somehow it was not too miserable. I credit this to a bit of extra sleep, a bit of socializing and sunshine, and yoga. Basically, a mashup of all the things I aim to do through my resolutions this year, this month.

SO! The resolutions update for the week:

-declutter my house, one problem area a week -- well, I removed Christmas. The girls mourned the loss of the sparkly tree and there are 10000000 fir needles on the floor, but we are seasonally correct! And have most of our living room back! Oh, also we cleaned up the Big Girl's room. It looks lovely.

(Now, to get her to sleep in there. Major sidebar here, but since when is 3.75 years an age of major sleep regression? There is clinginess and separation anxiety, there are bad dreams, there is crawling into my bed at 1 am. I am not one to pass up some cuddles but am reaching my limit on stiff neck-sleep, pre-dawn kidney kicks, and snorfling in my ear.)

-drink 50 oz of water a day -- haven't been so great on this one, but just being more conscious makes a difference.

-exercise or orgasm daily -- success! is all I will say about that one. WINK. Except I have been working my way through the Couch to 5K program on my iPhone and it makes running on the treadmill fun! (-Ish.)

-vegan (or almost so) before supper, except on weekends -- I have kept it "almost so," except one morning when I craved an egg sandwich so badly my car turned itself towards Mr. Bagel. I COULDN'T HELP IT. It was some combination of mild nausea (the family has worked through a stomach bug) and the residue of an extremely vivid dream in which I was pregnant which made me feel morning sickness and yes I took a pregnancy test IRL and thank the LORD it was negative but I still enjoyed that egg and cheese sandwich. It had  a tomato on it, anyway.

-go to bed before 11 pm -- mostly successful. I am not sure why but this one is not feeling so important. I think the effects of exercise and diet are making me need less sleep. Why hasn't anyone thought of that before? Har har.

And here is your bonus video for today:



In spite of that classic downer, happy bluebirds to you.

-A

So Resolved: January

Pinpointing the happiest extended moment in my life is easy: it was a time when I was doing...well...everything. I had been in NYC long enough that I knew how to get around, but not long enough that the excitement and dazzle had worn away. I had a new job which I loved, and it was for a good cause. I was in a yoga teacher training program and rehearsing for a dance performance. I was conducting two romantic relationships: one across the country, so there was much writing involved, and one with an ex with whom I had fantastic sex. So there was, um, much sex involved. Every day I woke up invigorated, looking forward to getting on the train with my head full of words and my bag full of clothes for my after-work activities. With gleeful anticipation of new email and new choreography. In spite of all my activity and socializing I didn't take one sick day that whole year. I felt light and glowy and KNEW I was happy.

Or, as The Gretchen would put it, I was feeling good, feeling right (though the two-relationship thing would put that feeling to a screeching halt some months later), in an atmosphere of growth. So THAT moment, those months, where I was writing furiously, learning something new every day, eating right to fuel  exercising my body into a happy state of well-earned exhaustion (instead of my new normal just plain exhaustion) is what I am aiming for here.

SO in January, I have resolved (similar to my coblogger) to up my energy by focusing on the physical.

I will:

-declutter my house, one problem area a week (last week was the kitchen play area, a true eyesore)

-drink 50 oz of water a day (this is harder than I thought! but so far at least I am not looking at the clock at 3 pm realizing that all I've had to drink is coffee)

-exercise or orgasm daily (so far, gold star for me every day! but not going to tell you which because I am a lady. A lady with a brand-new detachable shower head with six massaging settings ahem)

-vegan (or almost so) before supper, except on weekends because bacon. And pancakes. (this one is easy because the only non-vegan thing I might want during the day is yogurt or cheese, and I allow myself those if I really want. No meat though, ever!)

-go to bed before 11 pm (eh, not so great, but also I don't care so much because everyone is sleeping pretty well in general. This seemed more urgent before the holidays during the Great Teething and Flu Sleep-Fuckery)

In general, my body is a wonderland; treat it as such. If I feel better after this month, these resolutions might become a through-line for the whole year.

Now tell me your resolutions!

Um, please?

Happy bluebirds to you,
Andrea