WHAT HOW WHEN I MEAN OOPS IT'S MAY.
March went OK. I am keeping my flossing habit because DUH I JUST SHOULD. I discovered that I am absolutely unable to do anything before it is absolutely necessary -- and why do morning chores at night? The minutes will fill up no matter if I prep the baby's bottles at night or in the morning, and I found myself extra resentful that I was using my precious post-kids-sleeping hours doing childcare-related chores. I have, however, found that accepting this trait in myself has made the mornings feel easier. Hey, I am choosing to get the kids' snacks ready in the morning! I am choosing to pack the car just before we leave so I can have time for an extra episode of Parks and Rec at night! It is a conscious choice! MASTER OF MY FATE, CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL, etc.
That and the fact that because it is light in the morning, we are waking up 30 minutes earlier. None of us seem more sleep-deprived, and the mornings are much more relaxed. Having some clean spaces to gaze upon while multi-tasking my mornings helps too.
As for the negative thought spirals..well. I have decided to go into therapy (again). A Happiness Project can only take a girl so far, you know what I mean? While being aware of my tendency to dwell in negativity certain helps to quell the tendency in the moment, it doesn't quite touch the root cause, which -- really -- is a lifelong depressive streak. That's just how I roll, unfortunately, and I would like a neutral party to remind me that everything is not a disaster even when some things are, and that I should probably not in fact explode my life and move my family to Zambia or something equally drastic and destructive because I am feeling all the bad feels.
And so! My April resolutions were all about levity. I wanted to laugh and make my kids laugh and for all of us to be and feel lighter.
Is April really the cruelest month? My elder daughter's birthday rings in the month, right on the Fool's Day (and while she can be quite silly, she is no fool, and seems to have inherited my serious/intense streak, so sorry, dear child). Spring is burgeoning in our part of the country and the extra dose of Vitamin D has been very helpful. But then there was all the national tragedy -- dear god are we going to have a month when the flag at half-staff is NOT necessary -- and while paltry in comparison, did my resolutions seem so very necessary. Especially when I found myself half-present with my girls while my mind was in Boston. No, Andrea, you may not refresh Boston.com, I told myself, because you have to attend to making up a song with Little A. that includes all of the conjugations of "poop." Because it is on your damn resolution list!
Anyway, here were my resolutions:
1. Be EXTRA silly with the girls once every day. Fart jokes and funny faces ABSOLUTELY.
2. Watch or read something funny every day.
3. Sing aloud at least once every day.
4. Break up with my phone (mostly).
And yes! Dear reader! I did these things. Some days required binge-watching of Parks and Rec. Some days required incessantly flipping through the radio dial until we found a station playing Ho Hey AGAIN. Because there is nothing better for the soul than hearing both the 4 year old and the 16 month old sing You my fweet-HAAAAAART! The phone has taken up permanent residence on the other side of the bedroom so I open my eyes to natural light instead of the glow of Facebook. And it helped. All of it helped.
May resolutions to come. And in the meantime, I hope you are enjoying the flowers and all that. You've earned them.
Happy bluebirds to you,
Andrea
Friday, May 3, 2013
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Consistency Schmistency
As is probably evident if you are reading this blog,
consistency is not my strong point. I am an idea person. I get ideas. I get
excited about them. I may even launch the ideas into being. Then, the
adrenaline wears off and I get bored. I procrastinate. I avoid.
Having written makes me happy. Having written something good
makes me happy.
Of course, to have written something good means that I need to have written. Sometimes quite a bit before getting to something good. That part, sitting down to the blank page, the drudgery and terror that come from consistent, disciplined writing, is where I get stuck.
But the truth is that having written something good makes me happier than just about anything. So, March, you fickle bitch with your melting snow and 50 degree weather and then your freezing, holy crap it’s cold again shenanigans—I am committing to writing more. In here, and on my little pink computer, and at the coffee shop.
Of course, to have written something good means that I need to have written. Sometimes quite a bit before getting to something good. That part, sitting down to the blank page, the drudgery and terror that come from consistent, disciplined writing, is where I get stuck.
But the truth is that having written something good makes me happier than just about anything. So, March, you fickle bitch with your melting snow and 50 degree weather and then your freezing, holy crap it’s cold again shenanigans—I am committing to writing more. In here, and on my little pink computer, and at the coffee shop.
Bring it.
~Lynn
Thursday, March 14, 2013
March Gladness
Just when I thought I couldn't take another moment of winter....when even our most enthusiastic snow-kid is sick of her snowpants...when the walls are closing in, and there is not enough Vitamin D in any bottle in the world....
SPRING. It's here. Praise Jesus.
I mean, it's not official yet, but tell that to the robins. Or to the tapped maples. Or to the little crocuses fighting their way up through the last of the dirty snowpiles. Or to me, who literally overnight experienced a major, major attitude adjustment that can only be attributed to Daylight Savings time. I sprung forward all right. Please help me remember this next year. All winter long I felt under a cloud. I knew I was not feeling myself, or reacting to things as I "normally" would, but I chalked it up to stress and life changes and people* being annoying little shits.
(*everyone in my household and at work and store clerks and everyone most days.)
But! People! All I needed was an extra hour of daylight! Well, that might not be ALL. But boy, have things been going more smoothly lately. My fuse is longer. We have more fun in the mundane moments. I find myself saying YES more.
So who needs a Happiness Project? Well, I still do. SO. On to my March Resolutions! As I mentioned this month is about Spring Cleaning, metaphorical and literal. Good times.
1. Tame the "broken windows" - I have narrowed my focus to three specific areas that drive me nuts: one countertop in the kitchen, the coffee table in the den, and the bureau at the end of my bed. Spaces where my eyes alight often and my mind would go ARGH SO MUCH CLUTTER.
2. Floss every night -- this used to be a habit but along with so many other items of self-care, has recently gone out the window.
3. Unfuck my mornings. Most days I have to mentally steel myself for the ticking time bomb that is getting two kids and myself ready to leave the house. Why is it so hard? It doesn't have to be so hard, right? Have you guys seen this site? It's brilliant!
4. Stop downward thought spirals before they go too low. Self-explanatory to anyone who has ever even had a hint of depression. One minute you're thinking that maybe you yelled one too many times today, the next you are lying on the couch weeping because you are a TERRIBLE MOTHER AND YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE AND YOU HAVE RUINED YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER FOREVERRRRRRRR.
Since I was in my ugh-bubble when I planned the month, this list is maybe not as ambitious. But baby steps count, yes?
Happy bluebirds to you,
Andrea
SPRING. It's here. Praise Jesus.
I mean, it's not official yet, but tell that to the robins. Or to the tapped maples. Or to the little crocuses fighting their way up through the last of the dirty snowpiles. Or to me, who literally overnight experienced a major, major attitude adjustment that can only be attributed to Daylight Savings time. I sprung forward all right. Please help me remember this next year. All winter long I felt under a cloud. I knew I was not feeling myself, or reacting to things as I "normally" would, but I chalked it up to stress and life changes and people* being annoying little shits.
(*everyone in my household and at work and store clerks and everyone most days.)
But! People! All I needed was an extra hour of daylight! Well, that might not be ALL. But boy, have things been going more smoothly lately. My fuse is longer. We have more fun in the mundane moments. I find myself saying YES more.
So who needs a Happiness Project? Well, I still do. SO. On to my March Resolutions! As I mentioned this month is about Spring Cleaning, metaphorical and literal. Good times.
1. Tame the "broken windows" - I have narrowed my focus to three specific areas that drive me nuts: one countertop in the kitchen, the coffee table in the den, and the bureau at the end of my bed. Spaces where my eyes alight often and my mind would go ARGH SO MUCH CLUTTER.
2. Floss every night -- this used to be a habit but along with so many other items of self-care, has recently gone out the window.
3. Unfuck my mornings. Most days I have to mentally steel myself for the ticking time bomb that is getting two kids and myself ready to leave the house. Why is it so hard? It doesn't have to be so hard, right? Have you guys seen this site? It's brilliant!
4. Stop downward thought spirals before they go too low. Self-explanatory to anyone who has ever even had a hint of depression. One minute you're thinking that maybe you yelled one too many times today, the next you are lying on the couch weeping because you are a TERRIBLE MOTHER AND YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE AND YOU HAVE RUINED YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER FOREVERRRRRRRR.
Since I was in my ugh-bubble when I planned the month, this list is maybe not as ambitious. But baby steps count, yes?
Happy bluebirds to you,
Andrea
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Gimme an F!
As in F! ING! FEBRUARY!!11!!
Seriously. This month is for poop. This whole winter is kind of for poop, but the long snowy wet cold slog of February (can it really be the shortest month?) just takes the poopy cake. We have had some nice moments and my resolutions have helped but SERIOUSLY. Enough!
I gladly take my leave of you, February.
So to the monthly wrap-up:
As you may recall my resolutions were all about finding and taking teeny moments in time. For the most part, I stuck to them. On a few days I was too lazy to shower or tend to moi terlet so I did not perfume me. And on a few days my stomach rebelled against the idea of chocolate or wine (what a stupid stomach I have). But for the most part, I took those moments. Me! No! Mine! Mine! My moments!
(Sorry, I have a 14 month old for whom possession is 110% of the law.)
It felt pretty luxurious to smell good and to indulge my senses for a few minutes most days. I found that sensibility bleeding into other areas - once I smelled nice, I would then feel like looking a bit nicer. Maybe a little blush, even some earrings! So fancy! And maybe we could set the table to look a little nicer with my nice glass of wine! Maybe sit down to enjoy my chocolate! Instead of eating it while hanging over the counter and watching something crappy on the TV! So fancy!
"Suppressing the harsh tone" proved to be...challenging. Sometimes it meant I said nothing for long, long moments. Sometimes I forgot the resolution altogether and indulged the shout or swear or sent a text without editing. I might bring this one forward another month.
My most favorite bit was the daily photograph. At the end of each day, with a sleepy baby on my lap and (most nights) a sleeping toddler next to me, when all was quiet, I could look through the moments I had captured that day and choose my favorite. Then crop and filter so it became even more blurrily lovely and then bam! Onto the internet it goes! The grandparents were pleased as punch, and I discovered this is an easy way to almost completely reframe a day. Do I remember what happened in the hours before this photo was taken? Not really. But I do get a warm fuzzy feeling each time I look at it and can remember exactly how I felt in the moment it was taken. Like this one.
Baby G was perfecting her "running away and giggling at Mama" routine during one of our morning drop-offs. But as soon as I suggested she and Sister hold hands, she raced towards her Big and together, they walked to the building. And my heart exploded.
...And every day I found some moment that had similar impact. Altogether worthy exercise. The best. I'm going to keep it up, if not hold myself to a daily schedule.
And on shall we go together, dear Reader, holding hands, out of the crapfest February, into the everso-slightly-closer to Spring month of March! I shall not shy away from cliche, and will devote my month to resolutions around Spring Cleaning. See you there!
Happy bluebirds to you, A
Seriously. This month is for poop. This whole winter is kind of for poop, but the long snowy wet cold slog of February (can it really be the shortest month?) just takes the poopy cake. We have had some nice moments and my resolutions have helped but SERIOUSLY. Enough!
I gladly take my leave of you, February.
So to the monthly wrap-up:
As you may recall my resolutions were all about finding and taking teeny moments in time. For the most part, I stuck to them. On a few days I was too lazy to shower or tend to moi terlet so I did not perfume me. And on a few days my stomach rebelled against the idea of chocolate or wine (what a stupid stomach I have). But for the most part, I took those moments. Me! No! Mine! Mine! My moments!
(Sorry, I have a 14 month old for whom possession is 110% of the law.)
It felt pretty luxurious to smell good and to indulge my senses for a few minutes most days. I found that sensibility bleeding into other areas - once I smelled nice, I would then feel like looking a bit nicer. Maybe a little blush, even some earrings! So fancy! And maybe we could set the table to look a little nicer with my nice glass of wine! Maybe sit down to enjoy my chocolate! Instead of eating it while hanging over the counter and watching something crappy on the TV! So fancy!
"Suppressing the harsh tone" proved to be...challenging. Sometimes it meant I said nothing for long, long moments. Sometimes I forgot the resolution altogether and indulged the shout or swear or sent a text without editing. I might bring this one forward another month.
My most favorite bit was the daily photograph. At the end of each day, with a sleepy baby on my lap and (most nights) a sleeping toddler next to me, when all was quiet, I could look through the moments I had captured that day and choose my favorite. Then crop and filter so it became even more blurrily lovely and then bam! Onto the internet it goes! The grandparents were pleased as punch, and I discovered this is an easy way to almost completely reframe a day. Do I remember what happened in the hours before this photo was taken? Not really. But I do get a warm fuzzy feeling each time I look at it and can remember exactly how I felt in the moment it was taken. Like this one.
...And every day I found some moment that had similar impact. Altogether worthy exercise. The best. I'm going to keep it up, if not hold myself to a daily schedule.
And on shall we go together, dear Reader, holding hands, out of the crapfest February, into the everso-slightly-closer to Spring month of March! I shall not shy away from cliche, and will devote my month to resolutions around Spring Cleaning. See you there!
Happy bluebirds to you, A
Monday, February 11, 2013
Febru-any
Holy mackerel, dear reader. How can it be the MIDDLE of February already? IMPOSSIBLE. But, there it is. We have been super-busy due to a Birthday Explosion - seriously, how many Aquarians do I know? An assload, that's how many. I threw a 70th birthday party for my dad at the end of January (thereby crossing off a Life List item, most successfully). Then like dominos the birthdays fall down through February...my boyfriend, his best friend, my sister-in-law, my niece, my big girl's best friend, my little girl's betrothed, etc etc etc. So this month is as good as any to celebrate all these loves in our lives, and the greatest love of all, loving myself.
The greatest loooooove of aaaaaaaaaaaaaall!!!!
Ahem.
I don't know a mom who feels like they have all the time they need to be or care for themselves. An overarching goal for this whole year is to snatch back the teeniest, tiniest bits of time for self-care. And when I say tiny, I mean it - 2 minutes here to eat a piece of chocolate, 10 minutes for a glass of wine, 30 seconds there to dab on a bit of perfume. SO...to the Resolutions!
1. Eat a piece of dark chocolate OR have a glass of red wine every day. Or both! But only at a moment when they truly can be enjoyed.
2. Wear perfume every day.
3. Post at least one photo of a lovely moment to Instagram (and share on Facebook) every day.
4. Suppress the unpleasant word/harsh tone at least once a day.
My January resolution of exercise every day is also coming forward, because it makes my life 1000 times more bearable. I have taken a couple of days off due to snowfuckery and a twingy knee and oh the difference. So much difference in my patience and general ability to deal.
Happiness Project Month Two Electric Boogaloo! Here we go!
Happy bluebirds to you,
Andrea
The greatest loooooove of aaaaaaaaaaaaaall!!!!
Ahem.
I don't know a mom who feels like they have all the time they need to be or care for themselves. An overarching goal for this whole year is to snatch back the teeniest, tiniest bits of time for self-care. And when I say tiny, I mean it - 2 minutes here to eat a piece of chocolate, 10 minutes for a glass of wine, 30 seconds there to dab on a bit of perfume. SO...to the Resolutions!
1. Eat a piece of dark chocolate OR have a glass of red wine every day. Or both! But only at a moment when they truly can be enjoyed.
2. Wear perfume every day.
3. Post at least one photo of a lovely moment to Instagram (and share on Facebook) every day.
4. Suppress the unpleasant word/harsh tone at least once a day.
My January resolution of exercise every day is also coming forward, because it makes my life 1000 times more bearable. I have taken a couple of days off due to snowfuckery and a twingy knee and oh the difference. So much difference in my patience and general ability to deal.
Happiness Project Month Two Electric Boogaloo! Here we go!
Happy bluebirds to you,
Andrea
Thursday, January 24, 2013
It is January. The temperature is in the single digits. Springs dangles like a rope, just out of reach. I am on my second (so far!) period of the month (I believe I am compensating for Andrea's pregnancy scare. Our uteri have been in cahoots for at least a few years. I am happy to take one for the team, but not sure that I really needed two doses of PMS this month).
But I have a clean desk!
I've been working on making small, consistent changes in my home. Deal with the mail every day. Deal with the dishes every day. Basically, deal. Every. Day.
Am I happier for it?
I think I am. If not overjoyed, I am at least feeling more peaceful. Like I can breathe. The other day, a friend's husband came over to pick up some baby gear we were done with. He was supposed to come around noonish; instead, the doorbell rang at just after 7a.m. But! I was dressed! The house was reasonably clean (full disclosure: our monthly housekeeping had occured the day before, but still!)! It wasn't until after he left that I realized the lack of panic I felt when the doorbell rang. Last month around this time, he might've found himself tripping over toy cars, stepping on small piles of Cheerios, and I would probably have been in my dirty monkey pajama pants and a stained nursing tank. It felt good to not panic.
So this experiment is going well thus far. I've also just been, like Andrea, doing little things to make myself happier. Listening to music more (Lana Del Rey is my current obsession). I even went to the movies twice this month. I've been wearing jewelry. I am, basically, taking it up a notch. February's goals will be even more of that.
And sometimes, like the lack of panic over early visitor incident, something bad not happening can bring happiness. See below picture of my daughter making her I'mGonnaPoopintheBathtub face. But guess what? She didn't! And I was happy!
Monday, January 21, 2013
Blue Monday
<Andy Williams voice> It's the un!happiest! daaaay of the yeeeear.....</Andy Williams voice>
Yes folks, it's Blue Monday. That craptastic day in January when forces conspire to make us all miserable. Except, somehow it was not too miserable. I credit this to a bit of extra sleep, a bit of socializing and sunshine, and yoga. Basically, a mashup of all the things I aim to do through my resolutions this year, this month.
SO! The resolutions update for the week:
-declutter my house, one problem area a week -- well, I removed Christmas. The girls mourned the loss of the sparkly tree and there are 10000000 fir needles on the floor, but we are seasonally correct! And have most of our living room back! Oh, also we cleaned up the Big Girl's room. It looks lovely.
(Now, to get her to sleep in there. Major sidebar here, but since when is 3.75 years an age of major sleep regression? There is clinginess and separation anxiety, there are bad dreams, there is crawling into my bed at 1 am. I am not one to pass up some cuddles but am reaching my limit on stiff neck-sleep, pre-dawn kidney kicks, and snorfling in my ear.)
-drink 50 oz of water a day -- haven't been so great on this one, but just being more conscious makes a difference.
-exercise or orgasm daily -- success! is all I will say about that one. WINK. Except I have been working my way through the Couch to 5K program on my iPhone and it makes running on the treadmill fun! (-Ish.)
-vegan (or almost so) before supper, except on weekends -- I have kept it "almost so," except one morning when I craved an egg sandwich so badly my car turned itself towards Mr. Bagel. I COULDN'T HELP IT. It was some combination of mild nausea (the family has worked through a stomach bug) and the residue of an extremely vivid dream in which I was pregnant which made me feel morning sickness and yes I took a pregnancy test IRL and thank the LORD it was negative but I still enjoyed that egg and cheese sandwich. It had a tomato on it, anyway.
-go to bed before 11 pm -- mostly successful. I am not sure why but this one is not feeling so important. I think the effects of exercise and diet are making me need less sleep. Why hasn't anyone thought of that before? Har har.
And here is your bonus video for today:
In spite of that classic downer, happy bluebirds to you.
-A
Yes folks, it's Blue Monday. That craptastic day in January when forces conspire to make us all miserable. Except, somehow it was not too miserable. I credit this to a bit of extra sleep, a bit of socializing and sunshine, and yoga. Basically, a mashup of all the things I aim to do through my resolutions this year, this month.
SO! The resolutions update for the week:
-declutter my house, one problem area a week -- well, I removed Christmas. The girls mourned the loss of the sparkly tree and there are 10000000 fir needles on the floor, but we are seasonally correct! And have most of our living room back! Oh, also we cleaned up the Big Girl's room. It looks lovely.
(Now, to get her to sleep in there. Major sidebar here, but since when is 3.75 years an age of major sleep regression? There is clinginess and separation anxiety, there are bad dreams, there is crawling into my bed at 1 am. I am not one to pass up some cuddles but am reaching my limit on stiff neck-sleep, pre-dawn kidney kicks, and snorfling in my ear.)
-drink 50 oz of water a day -- haven't been so great on this one, but just being more conscious makes a difference.
-exercise or orgasm daily -- success! is all I will say about that one. WINK. Except I have been working my way through the Couch to 5K program on my iPhone and it makes running on the treadmill fun! (-Ish.)
-vegan (or almost so) before supper, except on weekends -- I have kept it "almost so," except one morning when I craved an egg sandwich so badly my car turned itself towards Mr. Bagel. I COULDN'T HELP IT. It was some combination of mild nausea (the family has worked through a stomach bug) and the residue of an extremely vivid dream in which I was pregnant which made me feel morning sickness and yes I took a pregnancy test IRL and thank the LORD it was negative but I still enjoyed that egg and cheese sandwich. It had a tomato on it, anyway.
-go to bed before 11 pm -- mostly successful. I am not sure why but this one is not feeling so important. I think the effects of exercise and diet are making me need less sleep. Why hasn't anyone thought of that before? Har har.
And here is your bonus video for today:
In spite of that classic downer, happy bluebirds to you.
-A
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